maldita

Under my blanket

I’m so damned frightened

But I don’t know where to run

I am very confused

But I can’t find the answer in anyone’s eyes

I am dying inside

My soul is tearing apart

I can’t think clearly

My heart is crying vehemently

I want to shout all the pain that’s inside me

I want to jump from the highest mountain

Hoping that as I fall

All my hurts will be erased by the wind

Afraid that someone might see all my weaknesses

I just wanna lie under my blanket

My protective shied

Who knows I might sleep

And in my dream it’s a brand new world

I’m tired of my life

I feel like a robot

A machine

Programmed to do what is intended

Wish I could lie under my blanket

My protective shield

So people won’t be able to see my fears

Won’t notice the tears

Won’t hear my sobs

Under my blanket my protective shield

As i walk on memory lane,

I am caressed with so much pain,

My heart is throbbing fast,

I wish i could get back at the past..

Our memories flashed in my eyes,

Its filled with flowers and everything nice,

Sweet embraces that can melt an ice,

And dreams as high as the  sky..

I dont know what happened,

It came at a sudden,

Our love became a burden,

A relationship that is forbidden…

Now i want to hold ur hand again,

Half crazy with this raging affection,

overwhelmed by this craving,

I need your love and attention…

Do i need to dance in the burning rain,

For u to know that my soul is slain,

Do i have to walk on wire,

For u to notice that im freezing in the fire..

would u still love me??

there he goes again… staring and smiling at me, with his mysterious eyes and boyish charm… will i smile back? no!dont..i don’t even wanna look at him..he might see the truth beneath these lonely eyes of mine..then he started to walk towards my direction, oh my!my heart begins to beat faster and faster,if ill be able to count my heart rate i bet it would triple in just one full minute..his smile is gettind wider, i began to imagine again how handsome is face is, how i wish to touch his skin, to kiss the lips..all i know next is he’s standing infront of me..he offered his hand but i don’ wanna get it,afraid that he might notice that i am trembling with excitement and disbelief.. then i tried to calm myself and act normally as i can..i got his hand to help me stand,to my amazement he asked me if he could take me home.. i said no,but he insisted so i give in told him that of course he could..everything was becoming fine until he asked me to stop,i looked at him puzzled.. as i was about to say something he placed your index finger to my lips and told me to keep quiet.. then you said that you’re inlove with me.. i was shocked! im taken a back by what you said… my blood is rushing on my veins to my entire body.. i almost drown in happiness.. wait is this real?i looked deeply into his eyes weighing wether his just kidding or not..then his face is slowly getting closer to mine, i was expecting a kiss… then….

titit! titit! tit!titit!

Oh is already 7am..im going to be late at school! i immediately put on my robe, i was aboput to start panicking…

then i stopped..

It was just a dream..

Suddenly tears came flowing down my cheeks…

why??

maybe because i know that it could never be real…

that it could only happen in my dream…

just in my dream…

for in reality he doesnt love me..

he doesnt care..

maybe he doesnt even know that i exist…

yah..

it could only happen in my dream..

just in my dream…

1Dont jugde me by who I was or who I will be,
But by who I am right now.
Dont judge me by the clothes I wear on my body,
But by the expressions I wear on my face.
Dont judge me by how many friends I have,
But by the friends I choose.
Dont judge me by the color of my skin,
But by the color of my personality.
Dont judge me by how I speak,
But by what I listen to and what I hear.
Dont judge me by my eyes,
But by how my eyes look on the world.
In fact, dont judge me at all,
Because if you judge me,
Then you are only comparing me to you,
And I am not you.
I reflect you,
But I am not you.
If you stop judging me
And take the time to really see and know me,
Then you may find
That you LOVE me for who I am…

im smiling, but there’s always pain in my eyes..

im laughing, but it seems like my soul is crying..

im always hoping eventhough my heart decided to stop believing..

i keep on trying, eventhough im slowly dying..

why do i keep on pretending that everything is fine, when actually its not?

why do i always have to put on my happy face, if in fact i wanna tie my neck with a lace?

why do i always hide behind my powerful brain, when in fact i wanna show the world that i am already emotionally drained?

i can explain different pathophysiology, but how come i still feel so dumb?

i have solved several equations, but how come i cant solve this puzzle in my mind?

Its such an irony!!

why i am dying to live while im fact im just living to die..